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Loyalty A Misused Word In Martial Arts
Loyalty is a funny thing – when a student leaves their Martial Art / Tae Kwon Do club or Association, all of a sudden they are traitors and one that has bad ethics. Seniors will also state they are disloyal,refuse to speak to them or even deny access to their events.
I have thought about this many times of late after hearing stories of coaches that have left their Associations and fallen foul to attacks from their seniors in the group who have made
many claims about them to tarnish their reputations and I always hear myself saying “What have they done wrong?”. On the other hand, I know that from past experiences when students have left me, I felt hurt that they had gone, but why do we feel this way?
Recently, I visited Tae Kwon Do forum to ask what the opinions of the users were with regards to the word – most conceptions of the users there (many are independents) seemed to be that a student MUST be loyal to their teacher or Association.
I agree with this to a point, but this thought process often comes from the 1970’s / 1980’s students that had it drilled into them in the early days. It is one of the founding principles of most Koreans and early day coaches, However, one user stated that the student owes the teacher nothing – if he has paid for the tuition, he can do and go where he pleases. I was okay with that as everyone has their own opinion, but surely this showed how opinions are changing nowadays.
Money changing hands seems to make students think it is okay to go when they want to, even if the teacher has given them everything. You can guess the response to this – the argument was “Yes, money has been paid for a service but more often than not these days, these subs are used to pay the ever increasing hall hire and the overheads to run the club, so the coach is there voluntarily, trying to teach his art to those that are interested in learning from him”.
The other argument put forward was that, as children, we put faith in our parents naturally when we are born, as we know nothing else. Some Koreans believe that we owe everything to our parents, but what if a child is in a situation that means violence is a daily occurrence, or the parent is never around – surely, one day, they will look for an alternative home which offers stability and fairness. This can also be applied to some cases of students / Instructors leaving Associations. If you treat them unfairly, they will leave – be true and they will stay.
We need to look at this further – as in life, a child is born and as parents we will nurture, care and love them and do everything to protect them, but in the end when they are older,
they will leave for many reasons. More often than not, it will be because they wish to spread their wings – as the move is a positive one, the relationship will still be strong.
No matter how prepared you are, the ‘loss’ of a child into the big wide world will hurt and you will always be thinking of them. The point is if your child decided to change their religion, you would continue to maintain that relationship as you brought them into the world, so why do Instructors turn nasty if the coach / student decides to take a different route? We all state that we live by the tenets, but often these are ignored, especially in cases as above.
Loyalty can still be found in many clubs / Associations – there are dedicated students that will take up T.K.D. and still be there 30 years later, but the sad fact is there are very few that
will have this kind of staying power or longevity.
On a personal note, I left an organization in 2001 that I was passionate about – leaving my coach was also a hard decision, but his (and there) vision and direction was different to mine, so I left and decided to make my own way in life. Along the way, I joined groups that just did not deliver what they stated, or what I expected from them, resulting in me leaving them.
Like a child does, I created my own home which is stable now, yet most that I joined will not speak to me now, as I am just a traitor to them.
The real question here is who is at fault? The child that left the family environment as his vision was different to the parents, or the parent who could not maintain the relationship and understand that the hurt they feel is a natural feeling of any parent when a child leaves the nest.
We, as Instructors, should try and understand that there is no difference between family environment and a T.K.D. family – if a child decides to go, we should still be there as
much as we can if they want us to and respect their choices, not do what we can to destroy and hurt them. Then again, this highlights a good parent and a bad parent.
About the Author
Chris Snow is a 5th Degree Black Belt registered with the International Tae Kwon Do Federation. Chris has 25 years expierance of Tae Kwon Do, he also runs a very popular ITF Magazine called ‘Original-ITF’ which is dedicated to all ITF groups world wide. He is the senior editor of the magazine which can be found on line at www.original-itf.co.uk.
He is a director of two TKD groups in the UK www.uk-ltsi.com and www.uktu.co.uk
This is what Taekwondo is all about!!!!
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